The months that followed brought a number of events...some significant, some not. I wrangled with the DVLA over the return of my licence - a task made infinitely more difficult due to their bumbling ineptitude. I found a new car befitting of my return to the road. Lydia and I had a well earned holiday to Morocco, where I learned that metallic bone fixings do not set off metal detectors. These months were about re-discovering my sense of self...my confidence...my independence.
The unpleasant side-effect of this time was the realisation that a number of factors had driven a wedge between Lydia and I. I don't wish to use the blog to air my experiences or feelings on the matter, but I had gone through a life altering experience which had shifted my ideals, hopes, dreams and values. The dynamic of our relationship had changed, and after a difficult time, we separated. This isn't the forum for the specifics of the break-down, so I'll move on. What I will say is that my world had been turned upside down, back up, and all the way back over again. Emotionally, the number of massive events taking place in my life...no, that implies that I was a passive observer...the number of massive events that I was having to deal with really took their toll on me. Symptoms, diagnosis, surgery, recovery, re-emergence, separation, the big wide world.
I am annoyingly positive. I know. I hate to be seen to have any weaknesses. I hate to be seen to not be coping with a situation or problem. I was furiously paddling under the surface of the water. I needed to retain my veneer of calm. I struggled. My work capacity was on the increase as my brain continued to recover, but any slack that this gave me was immediately taken up with the pressures in my personal life.
I was on my own for the first time in my life. It may seem strange, but for as long as I remembered, there had always been people around. My parents and brother, my friends on the estate, school mates, uni mates, house mates, girlfriends, football teams, cricket teams. I can't remember doing anything on my own. I feel like I'm painting a picture of myself in the Wilderness. The truth? In the presence of social networking, you're never truly alone. I needed my friends...electronic or otherwise, but I got used to my own company.
My thoughts would often wander back to darker, Ivan related times, and I was coming to terms with the break-down of my marriage. For the first time in my life, there were fewer distractions to take me away from these thoughts.
Whilst walking home one evening, I was hit full-force by an event that would bring about a major event in my recovery.
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