So, there I was...stumped at my inability to work out what was wrong. Frustrated, feeling isolated, and just trying to power on through, in the hope that I might come out of the other side of a dark period.
It was a normal evening after work, we'd eaten dinner and were chatting about nothing in particular. I forged ahead with a sentence, having to think hard to finish what I had started without losing my thread. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't musing about astro-physics, or a complicated concept of any sort. I was struggling to link together short sentences, and desperately trying to claw words like 'and' or 'these' from the depths of my vocabulary. I looked into my wife's eyes, and received instant feedback. As a considerate human being, Lydia wouldn't have interrupted to ask what I was on about, but her eyes were saying, "Spit it out, this is really hard work!!" I hadn't noticed this look in her eyes before, and immediately thought to myself that despite my best efforts, I was failing miserably to keep the conversation together. I tried to continue my thread. The harder I tried, the worse it became. I had to say something...what was I putting her through? If this was happening regularly, I must be one of the most frustrating people on the face of the earth to speak to.
I gave up, and I broke my silence, "I'm really sorry, Lyd...I don't know what's going on." My heart sank as it dawned on me that the one thing I had always felt safe in offering - a level of assured dependability - was slipping away. I swallowed hard, and tried to control my emotions, "I'm trying to fix it."
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